I know a lot of nothing about everything. I could tell you I know a lot about the landscape of Costa Rica, but then I’d be lying and you’d read this page with one eye staring at me accusingly. So, I’ll just be honest.
I don’t know a lot about the land, but I do know some things.
I know that there are two seasons here. Some people call them summer and winter. Some people call them dry and wet, but however you want to look at it, there’s two. That means that in the summer, the bone dry earth coughs up dust all over the people and animals, and virtually every leaf dries up and hits the ground (at least here in Guanacaste —look, there goes another one).
Conversely, in the wet season, up to 25 feet of rain dumps like a paint bucket and turns everything technicolor green. I’ve never been here in the wet season, so I might be lying about the ‘technicolour’ part. Still, it’s supposed to be breathtaking. People prefer the wet summers, well, because there’s no dust.
I asked them, so I know.
I also know (because I looked it up) that Costa Rica is 8-12 degrees north of the equator. This means the UVA index is, oh, double that of Florida. If you don’t put zinc oxide on your nose, it will happily shrivel up and fall off to get away from your stupidity. Don’t risk it.
I also know if you want to avoid sunburns, become a copywriter and use a Macbook. You’ll live out your existence in the shade.
I know that the sun rises every day at 5:15am and sets at 5:25pm. I know this because I’m usually drunk by 5:25pm and sober by 5:15am. Just kidding. I’m never sober.
Another thing I know is that Costa Rica has a lot of volcanoes. Now I don’t KNOW know this. I’ve only seen one volcano. There could actually be just one volcano in Costa Rica, but my sources say otherwise. They say that Arenal is the most active volcano on the planet. But I’ll have to confirm that by measuring the flow rate of the liquid hot magma when we go visit.
Fast fact: arena means ‘sand’ in Spanish. And there’s a ton of it on the beach!
Things I Don’t Know
- Costa Rica has micro climates. I haven’t learned that microclimates mean there are different temperature and climate zones in Costa Rica depending on the elevation and water bodies nearby.
- I don’t know where coffee is grown. But there’s a ton of it here and it tastes better than the best coffee (READ THIS) I’ve ever had (at Kawa Coffee in Calgary).
- I don’t know which animals live or hide where. I assume the sea creatures live in the ocean. More information needed to successfully reach a conclusion.
[What I do know is that I have, over the last three weeks, successfully spotted four species of mosquito, ten species of spider, four species of ant, three species of frog, seven of lizard, one of monkey, about twelve of fish and three of crab. There are a lot of animals in Costa Rica. They are good at hiding in your shoes.]
- I don’t know why there are black sand beaches and white sand beaches right beside each other.
- I don’t know where I can buy a machete to cut down the delicious coconuts next door.
- I don’t know how deep the potholes in the road we drive on are, but they make us puke our livers out through our noses.
- I don’t know what else I don’t know about the landscape of Costa Rica.
Evidence that Costa Rican Land Things Are Awesome
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