Ten Sexy Things You Didn’t Know About Earthworms

by Rachel Gertz

Those sexy, tube shaped critters are out in full bloom today, thanks to the drizzle of rain we’ve had all week.

It got me thinking how important it is that we appreciate the common earthworm and all its do gooding by sharing some sexy earthworm facts. I’m sure you can get behind facts.

And who better to show you the elegant beauty of the earthworm than our beloved Isabella Rossellini?

PORNO: EARTHWORM (bysundancechannel)

  1. Earthworms don’t come to the surface when it rains to avoid drowning; they need moisture to stay alive —they breathe through their skin. The hypothesis is that they’re actually coming out to party. That’s right, they get around in the rain a lot faster, can survive underwater for up to two days, and can search out lots of other sexy worms wanting to get down to Genital Town.
  2. An Asian species of worm actually climbs trees to get out of the rain. Would you call the fire department to save a stranded worm? Think about it; how is a worm different than a kitten? I mean, besides not having eyes, mouth, or fur?
  3. L. Terrestris, our common earth worm, has a reddish tint from the hemoglobin in their bodies. That’s the same shit that makes our blood red, too. And that’s why our shit is brown (dead red blood cells). Thought you’d like to know. Worms and humans have a great deal in common. Especially with some people I’ll refer to as assholes.
  4. Earthworm bodies can have up to 150 segments. Often, these segments have duplicated internal organs. You might encounter species of earthworms that have five hearts! What’s not to love?
  5. Worms are a mouth and an anus. Picture a human being, then strip away everything except the digestive tract. That’s what we call personality. Still, the worm is light and vibration sensitive. That delicious mucus reinforces its burrow and helps it create humus, that black squishy stuff that comes out of the earthworm’s bum that you were convinced was poop as a kid. It’s not, it’s life giving soil.
  6. Earthworms can eat their weight in soil, sand, and decaying plant matter each day. Delicious. Interestingly enough, they also make a great food source; they’re high in protein, have a distinct earthy flavour, and are completely edible. Here are some earthworm recipes you might enjoy, if you’re feeling sexy tonight.
  7. Most native North American earthworms were wiped out during the last Ice Age (about 10 to 15000 years ago). Our common earthworm was actually brought over via European potting plants. Rats also hitched a ride over on European ships. But rats are jerks. Earthworms are sexy.
  8. These fascinating little penis wigglers can live up to ten years! That’s almost as long as a Shih Tzu. Seriously, reconsider that petshop purchase. Worms probably make good pets. And they’re free sexy.
  9. Those red, bulgy areas are the worms genitals! They’re called clitellum. Earthworms are hermaphroditic, which means they have both female and male sexual organs. They rub these orange, puffy parts together in a sticky mess of mucus and spray their sperm on each other. That sperm fertilizes the eggs they both carry. Then they drop these eggs (which are more like rice grain sized cacoons) and cute little babies worm their way out.
  10. Earthworms are starting to form herds, (they communicate by touch) but no one’s sure why. It might be to protect themselves or because they’re starting to realize how sexy they are and are trying to create Facebook, but scientists are still worming through the research.

Do them a favour and walk around the little suckers. They’ll make your life a whole lot sexier if you let them live.


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