Warm-Up to Finale

by Rachel Gertz

You thought we were done? Sheesh, we go quiet for a week to ‘domesticate’ and suddenly people think we’re all done with  adventure and the like. Absolutely not. And if you ever call it ‘domesticating’ again, we’ll beat you.

We’ve spent the last week and a half constructing some sort of semblance of sentient life in Calgary. Walter is still parked out front. We gave him a bath. Eighty-four bucks and two hours of elbow grease later, he’s still a bit streaky, but at least he doesn’t blend in with some of the rusted out vehicles wedged along this fascinating street like he did before. First bath while on the road with us —we had to wash the blue chemical shampoo off our arms before it made us itchy.

So here we are. I am sitting on the couch on a Tuesday morning like a normal person. Our house doesn’t move every day, and the joy of not sleeping in Walmart parking lots is delicious. It’s almost as if this epic journey was a drug-induced dream. Let me tell ya, I plan to renew my prescription.

Not that we don’t like Calgary. I mean we don’t, but it is our temporary home. I feel we’re justified in our passive aggressive retort since that’s how Calgary functions anyhow. We’re planning on doing some things this summer to boost our morale. And hoping our friends can help us through our Calgary blues.

PechaKucha: a 6 minute speech about anything under the sun. Held downtown during the Stampede in front of thousands of people. This year’s theme? The West. 

Lawnbowling: yes, we’re on a team. And no, we haven’t a team name yet, because Calgary has experienced more rain than a wet dog shaking and it’s been canceled two weeks in a row. There’s actually major flooding going on in Southern Alberta. Welcome home, kids.

Boot Camp: Trav and I are going to pick a bootcamp to get reach our peak performance. Not a physical exercise one. We did that last year and we both almost threw up from the sheer intensity. Trav wants to go to Type Camp, and I’m going to show up a scared mouse at a Writers Bootcamp. If I can find one. That oughta encourage some juices to flow creatively down our chins.

Exercise: Toying with the idea of P90X, but honestly, anything that gets us off our asses will do. Mike, we’re only hesitating because we lack the room, so not a word!

Liquor: oh, you already know how that one works. That’s to counter our exercise regime.

Anyway, we’re not done with Where’s Walter yet. We have a couple more adventures to relay; then we have to have a finale. Like compile-eight-months-worth-of-video-footage-and-sit-down-with-some-popcorn finale. It’ll remind us of all the crazy, outlandish things we did just for fun. That way we’ll never forget what we’re put here on earth to do: crazy, outlandish things that are fun. 

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