My Open Sexless Marriage

by Rachel Gertz

I stumbled onto this article when I was doing research for my Adult Theme Park article. I don’t know what it was that caught my eye exactly, but I suspect it was the idea that an open marriage has quite a few preconceptions tethered tightly to its rear. The idea that if you have an open marriage you must be some kind of hussy or player. The idea that open marriages ‘dissolve the sanctity of real marriage’, the idea that there is no love in a marriage if the people in it have to reach outside of it to find happiness. Cue the dramatic music.

“I once went home with a guy I met at a birthday party. We watched a series of commercials on his desktop computer, analyzing advertising strategies before he tied me up with twine he had lying around. We had some of the best, most acrobatic sex I’ve ever had… —Alex Sears

I’m pretty liberal minded, and I have to be honest: I’m not sure where I stand on this one. Without going into detail, I don’t think it would be a fit for me personally, but just for the sake of argument: what if you and another person were able to deeply love each other with a sense of commitment and intimacy so strong it would make your heart give out? And what if in that same marriage, you discovered with your partner that you had a friendship so close it practically fused you into a love sandwich? But then what if your flashy but incongruent sexual nature meant you simply didn’t get turned on by each other? You just didn’t want it. The idea of vacuuming cat turds seemed more appealing…Hell, what if your partner does turn you on, but you just like the idea of having additional people to love in your relationship?

Could it be possible to strip away our judgements about what defines a ‘truly loving marriage’ and be okay with the idea that some people are blissfully happy with the idea of randoms meeting their sexual needs and their partners meeting their lifelong vacuuming and cuddle needs?

Don’t ask me! Writer Alex Sears has something to say about this one.


Read the article.