Your New Republican President

by Rachel Gertz

You think I got that wrong, don’t you. You nice Americans thought you elected a Democrat. Well, check out Obama’s platform—his stance aligns perfectly with that of a moderate Republican’s. Suprise!

“Obama’s no right-winger. You might have serious issues with his Supreme Court justices or his moves on immigration or the Bush tax cuts. But you probably would have had similar issues with Dwight Eisenhower, Richard Nixon, or Gerald Ford. Obama’s in the same mold as those guys. So don’t despair. Your country didn’t vote for a socialist tonight. It voted for the candidate of traditional Republican moderation. What should gall you, haunt you, and goad you to think about the future of your party is that that candidate wasn’t yours.”

Next thing we’ll find out is that Romney is really a Democrat. Well except for that FEMA thing.

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